Sipsey Street Irregulars: Rumor Control: Regarding the alleged "browning" of Paul Helmke.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Rumor Control: Regarding the alleged "browning" of Paul Helmke.

Folks,

I have received several emails alleging that I took the opportunity to "brown" Paul Helmke, much as my son and the 101st Airborne "browned" Geraldo Riviera as he got on the helicopter after he was kicked out of their AO by division commander General David Petreaus for compromising the position and plans of the One-Oh-One by broadcasting them to the world during the Iraqi invasion.

(For the uninitiated, "browning" involves sticking your hand back down in between your ass cheeks, seeking the essence of anal sphincter and then vigorous shaking the hand of someone you despise, all the while sincerely and repeatedly wishing him well.)

That I have been suspected of this is, I suppose, natural. However, I would like to say categorically that I did not "brown" Paul Helmke, as far as you know.

Mike
III

11 comments:

BazookaJoe said...: If I ever meet you or your son, I would like to buy you the adult beverage of your choice!

BazookaJoe
III; April 22, 2010 at 2:35 PM
Redleg said...: Classic!!!; April 22, 2010 at 2:45 PM
markofafreeman said...: "Bummer."

And I truly am sorry for that.

;-); April 22, 2010 at 3:03 PM
Anonymous said...: ". . .as far as you know."

Glad I didn't have anything in my mouth. Otherwise I'd be cleaning my monitor & keyboard.

Thanks. It's a GREAT day to be alive!!

B Woodman
III-per; April 22, 2010 at 3:28 PM
Flight-ER-Doc said...: LOL, too bad. As far as we know.; April 22, 2010 at 3:41 PM
parabarbarian said...: Not to worry. Helmke probably washed his hands as quickly as possible afterward. I'll bet he burned the shirt you touched too.; April 22, 2010 at 4:17 PM
Sloboskya Rotchakokov said...: Actually, I don't know that you even COULD have done such a distasteful thing had you desired to.
Helmke has a rep for getting right to the bottom of things; he leaves no turd unstoned, uh, stone unturned, in sniffing out the dirtiest secrets behind every movement and vowing to spread the hole story, no matter how sticky things become!
Even those who dislike him admit that he is a dedicated bugger, and despite that mild facial expression most often seen when one's Depends overflow, when the drinks are served he becomes the life of the potty.
So in spite of our difference, Mikey, let's raise a toast to Skidmark Paul.
Bottoms Up!

j3 ;o); April 22, 2010 at 4:42 PM
Anonymous said...: I am truly ROLMFAO on this one.......It is TRULY a Great Time in History to be ALIVE, Mike ! I asked SPLC by E-Mail to Please put me on their published list BTW but I imagine the request fell on Socialist ears. Thanks to all who attended the show of freedom the 19th!

Chris
III; April 22, 2010 at 6:06 PM
Phil in Ohio said...: Hey Mike that is funny as hell.. i hope its true!!! III Phil in Ohio; April 22, 2010 at 8:08 PM
thedweeze said...: You'd have to be some kind of returd to believe a rumor like that.; April 22, 2010 at 10:38 PM
Anonymous said...: No matter, the pic alone is PRICELESS! oooh-rah!; April 23, 2010 at 8:24 AM

"Progress made under the shadow of the policeman's club is false progress."

I believe that liberty is the only genuinely valuable thing that men have invented, at least in the field of government, in a thousand years. I believe that it is better to be free than to be not free, even when the former is dangerous and the latter safe. I believe that the finest qualities of man can flourish only in free air – that progress made under the shadow of the policeman's club is false progress, and of no permanent value. I believe that any man who takes the liberty of another into his keeping is bound to become a tyrant, and that any man who yields up his liberty, in however slight the measure, is bound to become a slave. -- H.L. Mencken

"The Fate of Unborn Millions. . ."

"The time is now near at hand which must probably determine, whether Americans are to be, Freemen, or Slaves; whether they are to have any property they can call their own; whether their Houses, and Farms, are to be pillaged and destroyed, and they consigned to a State of Wretchedness from which no human efforts will probably deliver them. The fate of unborn Millions will now depend, under God, on the Courage and Conduct of this army-Our cruel and unrelenting Enemy leaves us no choice but a brave resistance, or the most abject submission; that is all we can expect-We have therefore to resolve to conquer or die." -- George Washington to his troops before the Battle of Long Island.

"We will not go gently . . ."

This is no small thing, to restore a republic after it has fallen into corruption. I have studied history for years and I cannot recall it ever happening. It may be that our task is impossible. Yet, if we do not try then how will we know it can't be done? And if we do not try, it most certainly won't be done. The Founders' Republic, and the larger war for western civilization, will be lost.

But I tell you this: We will not go gently into that bloody collectivist good night. Indeed, we will make with our defiance such a sound as ALL history from that day forward will be forced to note, even if they despise us in the writing of it.

And when we are gone, the scattered, free survivors hiding in the ruins of our once-great republic will sing of our deeds in forbidden songs, tending the flickering flame of individual liberty until it bursts forth again, as it must, generations later. We will live forever, like the Spartans at Thermopylae, in sacred memory.

-- Mike Vanderboegh, The Lessons of Mumbai:Death Cults, the "Socialism of Imbeciles" and Refusing to Submit, 1 December 2008

"A common language of resistance . . ."

"Colonial rebellions throughout the modern world have been acts of shared political imagination. Unless unhappy people develop the capacity to trust other unhappy people, protest remains a local affair easily silenced by traditional authority. Usually, however, a moment arrives when large numbers of men and women realize for the first time that they enjoy the support of strangers, ordinary people much like themselves who happen to live in distant places and whom under normal circumstances they would never meet. It is an intoxicating discovery. A common language of resistance suddenly opens to those who are most vulnerable to painful retribution the possibility of creating a new community. As the conviction of solidarity grows, parochial issues and aspirations merge imperceptibly with a compelling national agenda which only a short time before may have been the dream of only a few. For many Americans colonists this moment occurred late in the spring of 1774." -- T.H. Breen, The Marketplace of Revolution: How Consumer Politics Shaped American Independence, Oxford University Press, 2004, p.1.

Sipsey Street Irregulars

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Rumor Control: Regarding the alleged "browning" of Paul Helmke.

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