Sipsey Street Irregulars: All Points Bulletin: Be On the Lookout for a missing Nigerian penis. Is this is what happened to Wayne LaPierre? No, that's a testicular robbery.

Monday, May 23, 2011

All Points Bulletin: Be On the Lookout for a missing Nigerian penis. Is this is what happened to Wayne LaPierre? No, that's a testicular robbery.

Luka Audu, penis thief.

Man arrested over missing organ.

A 39-year man, Luka Audu was caught Saturday, May 7 at Ungwar Pama, Kaduna after being accused of alleged disappearance of a 17-year old teenager’s penis.

The boy told P.M.NEWS that he raised alarm that his penis had disappeared after the suspect, Audu shook him around 8.30a.m. today.

The boy whose mother refused that his name be mentioned was immediately taken to Faith Clinic to be tested while Audu was detained and asked to return it or risk being killed.

The mother told P.M.NEWS that she took him to the hospital to confirm whether or not her son’s penis is still functioning.

According to her, he didn’t respond effectively after the injection. And so she insisted the suspect must return the penis.

Narrating to P.M.NEWS, Audu the suspect said he came into Ungwar Pama from Narayi to see a friend . But he couldn’t locate the house, so he decided to ask the boy who directed him.

Audu further narrated in Hausa language: “I only shook the boy’s hand to thank him and nothing more.And I was leaving for the described place when I heard ‘thief, thief’ and before I turned some boys started beating me.”

He explained that the boys insisted he was responsible for the disappearance of the boy’s penis and so he must returned it or get killed.

When P.M.NEWS asked him to return it if truly it has been confirmed that something is wrong with the boy’s penis, Audu simply said: “I swear, I don’t know anything about it.”

It took the intervention of P.M.NEWS reporter and some elders in the area before the suspect was handed over to the police.

The police appealed to the angry youth who threatened to kill the Kebbi State-born suspect and gave assurance that the allegation of penis disappearance would be properly investigated.

Now, if we could just find out who hijacked Wayne LaPierre's testicles. . .

12 comments:

Mark Matis said...: What makes you think he had any to begin with?; May 23, 2011 at 10:42 AM
Bad Cyborg said...: I once found one of my daughter's little male friends in my house in the middle of the night. Seems she had let him in - and you can be certain it was utterly without my permission.

Anyhow, after promising to deal with my daughter, I grabbed the little bastard by the seat of the pants and scruff of his neck/shirt, marched him through my house and tossed him bodily into my front yard. Then I told him that if I caught him in my house again - EVER - I would turn him into a Ken doll. He yelled that if I did that I would go to jail. My reply was that even so, I would get out of jail before his junk grew back.

I never saw him again. My daughter was on house arrest - excuse me grounded - for a month.

You dads with pre-teen daughters remember this. You can be paroled from prison but penii and testicles/scrotum don't grow back!

Bad Cyborg X; May 23, 2011 at 11:31 AM
Anonymous said...: Mike, please do not ever, ever, ever shake Wayne LaPierre's hand.; May 23, 2011 at 3:37 PM
PT said...: W............T...................F..............; May 23, 2011 at 4:20 PM
Anonymous said...: I believe a previous post on this site told a story about an extra "member" found after an IRA bombing gone wrong. So yeah, it was half the world and many years away but hit TV shows have been made out of less!

The truth is out there!; May 23, 2011 at 6:16 PM
Anonymous said...: As for Wayne's allegedly missing body parts, has anyone asked Hillary? Rush says she collects them.; May 23, 2011 at 6:19 PM
Dedicated_Dad said...: Doesn't The Peter have two assistants who follow him around everywhere?

THINK: If HE is "The Peter" - then what are his two assistants??!!

;o); May 23, 2011 at 7:48 PM
Anonymous said...: @ BAD CY - 500 Boner, uh, Bonus Points for using the proper Latin plural, "penii"; May 23, 2011 at 8:44 PM
Pat H. said...: Not to worry, it's just another civilization, virtually interchangeable with our own.

My government told me that, they're here to help.; May 23, 2011 at 9:55 PM
Anonymous said...: They are totally effin' nuts over there. Look at THIS!

http://imgur.com/PPNHw; May 23, 2011 at 10:57 PM
DC Handgun Info said...: Africa is rife with such "witch doctor" stories. Science says, unless there's a knife or corrosive chemicals involved, penises do not just "disappear." That said, I agree: Wayne needs "cojones" ("stones"). Thank God for our other pro-gun groups: the always-active Second Amendment Foundation and state-level pro-gun orgs who are 100X more vocal, active and focussed than NRA. Lean on NSSF and SAAMI as well to support anti-ATF measures.; May 24, 2011 at 7:09 AM
Ed said...: You cannot lose what you have never had.
You cannot miss what you have never used.

wv: nadmi Or not. Use your imagination.; May 24, 2011 at 10:57 AM

"Progress made under the shadow of the policeman's club is false progress."

I believe that liberty is the only genuinely valuable thing that men have invented, at least in the field of government, in a thousand years. I believe that it is better to be free than to be not free, even when the former is dangerous and the latter safe. I believe that the finest qualities of man can flourish only in free air – that progress made under the shadow of the policeman's club is false progress, and of no permanent value. I believe that any man who takes the liberty of another into his keeping is bound to become a tyrant, and that any man who yields up his liberty, in however slight the measure, is bound to become a slave. -- H.L. Mencken

"The Fate of Unborn Millions. . ."

"The time is now near at hand which must probably determine, whether Americans are to be, Freemen, or Slaves; whether they are to have any property they can call their own; whether their Houses, and Farms, are to be pillaged and destroyed, and they consigned to a State of Wretchedness from which no human efforts will probably deliver them. The fate of unborn Millions will now depend, under God, on the Courage and Conduct of this army-Our cruel and unrelenting Enemy leaves us no choice but a brave resistance, or the most abject submission; that is all we can expect-We have therefore to resolve to conquer or die." -- George Washington to his troops before the Battle of Long Island.

"We will not go gently . . ."

This is no small thing, to restore a republic after it has fallen into corruption. I have studied history for years and I cannot recall it ever happening. It may be that our task is impossible. Yet, if we do not try then how will we know it can't be done? And if we do not try, it most certainly won't be done. The Founders' Republic, and the larger war for western civilization, will be lost.

But I tell you this: We will not go gently into that bloody collectivist good night. Indeed, we will make with our defiance such a sound as ALL history from that day forward will be forced to note, even if they despise us in the writing of it.

And when we are gone, the scattered, free survivors hiding in the ruins of our once-great republic will sing of our deeds in forbidden songs, tending the flickering flame of individual liberty until it bursts forth again, as it must, generations later. We will live forever, like the Spartans at Thermopylae, in sacred memory.

-- Mike Vanderboegh, The Lessons of Mumbai:Death Cults, the "Socialism of Imbeciles" and Refusing to Submit, 1 December 2008

"A common language of resistance . . ."

"Colonial rebellions throughout the modern world have been acts of shared political imagination. Unless unhappy people develop the capacity to trust other unhappy people, protest remains a local affair easily silenced by traditional authority. Usually, however, a moment arrives when large numbers of men and women realize for the first time that they enjoy the support of strangers, ordinary people much like themselves who happen to live in distant places and whom under normal circumstances they would never meet. It is an intoxicating discovery. A common language of resistance suddenly opens to those who are most vulnerable to painful retribution the possibility of creating a new community. As the conviction of solidarity grows, parochial issues and aspirations merge imperceptibly with a compelling national agenda which only a short time before may have been the dream of only a few. For many Americans colonists this moment occurred late in the spring of 1774." -- T.H. Breen, The Marketplace of Revolution: How Consumer Politics Shaped American Independence, Oxford University Press, 2004, p.1.

Sipsey Street Irregulars

Monday, May 23, 2011

All Points Bulletin: Be On the Lookout for a missing Nigerian penis. Is this is what happened to Wayne LaPierre? No, that's a testicular robbery.

12 comments:

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