Fiction, faction and "fuktion." Once more explicating the obvious to morons with guns, badges and attitudes.

This is a dictionary.

To those members of the various Three-Letter Agencies reportedly extremely upset by Chapter Thirty-Two of Absolved --

We shall begin this lesson in language with the following dictionary definitions. For the lower order of intellects among you, the dictionary is a book that tells you the meanings of things. You should try reading one sometime.


fic•tion (f k sh n) noun

1.
a. An imaginative creation or a pretense that does not represent actuality but has been invented.
b. The act of inventing such a creation or pretense.

2. A lie.

3.
a. A literary work whose content is produced by the imagination and is not necessarily based on fact.

b. The category of literature comprising works of this kind, including novels and short stories.

fac⋅tion [fak-shuh n] Noun Informal.

1. a form of writing or filmmaking that treats real people or events as if they were fictional or uses them as an integral part of a fictional account.

2. a novel, film, play, or other presentation in this form.

One more discussion of faction before I begin:

Faction, a neologism, in literature, describes a text as based on real historical figures, and actual events, woven together with fictitious allegations.

Faction is often disliked as confusing to people who are trying to find facts. For example, schoolchildren told to look for historical information are liable to be confused by faction.

Examples of faction

Faction is not a new phenomenon. Geoffrey of Monmouth was a successful faction writer in the 12th century, and later the historian Holinshed was led into error by treating Geoffrey of Monmouth's writings as truth.

Another example of faction is the book According to Queeney by Beryl Bainbridge. This book describes the last few years of Samuel Johnson's life as seen through the eyes of Queeney Thrale, eldest daughter of Henry Thrale and Hester Thrale. Here, the word "faction" is a portmanteau of "fact" and "fiction".

"In Cold Blood" by Truman Capote is a good example of faction and is considered to be the first piece in the genre of nonfiction novels.

Another famous example is the story of author Alex Haley and his entire family history for 9 generations in the book Roots: The Saga of an American Family. - Wikipedia.

So, here I am, minding my own business today, trying to finish Absolved, when I find out from more than one person that the latest chapter of the novel (there's another word for you to look up, boys) posted on the net has some of you government employees' knickers in a twist.

I can understand that. But please, do yourselves a favor and read over the above definitions and discussion. A NOVEL is a work of . . . class? Anybody? Anybody? That's right, Little Jimmy, FICTION. And FICTION is? Anybody? Bueller? That's right, Jody, "an imaginative creation." And FACTION is? Anybody? That's right, Eric, a work of FICTION based on FACT.

Now, when I tried to explain this to a friend of mine who called to give me the news, he agreed with my definitions, but then he said, "No, you don't understand. It isn't fiction or faction that they're going to do to you, it's FUKTION. They're PISSED!"

Now, ladies and gentlemen of the Three Letters, I can understand why you are upset. I recall quite well the chickenshit retribution you brought down on John Ross in the 90s. But insofar as legal recourse on me for writing FACTION, there's damn all you can do to me LEGALLY. Of course, y'all have a history of resorting to extra-legal actions against people you don't like, so I suppose some of you might be tempted now.

So, having explained the English language to you, if you still feel froggy, you're welcome to try.

This is what we call a gambit. (You can look that up in the dictionary, too.)

Your move, morons.

Mike Vanderboegh
III