Dear Mr. President,

Might an American make a not so idle suggestion? Once you are in China, why don't you stay there? The political spectrum seems to suit you fine, although I must say that the Chinese do not foster immorality the way you have done here, or preteen sex, violence and drug-use through your nonsensical "educational" programs. While people who are still silly enough to call themselves "liberals" might think you are a good president (and we know there are at least 1,064 of them, since they're always being polled by massmedia pollsters), and definitely everyone in your satrapy of Washington, DC might find you a charming man, please believe me that most of America is sickened and angered by what you've managed to accomplish in your mere six years in the highest office of our land. You have degraded our common society and offended our common sense. You rule by Executive Order, edict, which is contrary to our form of government, but perfect for the Chinese. The people there put up with dictators. It remains to be seen whether Americans will or not. For all you and your lying press seem to think that we even believe a word you people utter anymore, many, many, many of us do not.

The many of us wish you to go to China. In fact, we desire it fervently! After all, they just bought you hook, line and sinker, so why shouldn't they have the benefit of your wise foreign policy, of your "upstanding" character which indulges an unsavory appetite in young girls in the Oval Office itself. Please take Hillary with you. I'm sure the Chinese people will enjoy having both of you as permanent residents of their country. They would benefit and learn from your combined obvious talents for deceit, thievery, and cold-bloodedness, and you'd definitely fit right in! After all, both you and the Leader of the Communist Chinese have sent tanks against citizens of your country (although we're frankly not sure which country you actually show alliegence to, but we have our suspicions, and good reason for them).

Chelsea can stay here if she likes. After all, she's not a lawyer, and by the time we get done with your profession, we'd like to see ALL Bar-card carrying lawyers deported to China. I'm sure the intelligent Chinese will find better use for you than we do here (such as dragging rocks to help build some of their new infrastructure), and it could be the most patriotic thing you lawyers could do! America would profit in ways unimaginable should all lawyers suddenly depart to China. We might even be able to have a system of justice once again. We'd gain from the undoubted downfall of the Chinese, as well. They could no longer be competitive, they would have to put up with your multitudinous and often ridiculous lawsuits ... this sounds better and better, does it not? Why not take all the lawyers and black-robed lawyers with you when you go on this state visit--somewhat as you did with your entourage royale in Africa? Seems to be it could be done, easily.

So, please. Do go to China. Just don't come back.

You'd earn our eternal gratitude.

Patricia Neill

© Patricia Neill 1998

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