Dear Members of Congress,
I've got an idea I want to present to you. Now, outside the beltway we are
well aware that you all are absolutely terrified of performing your
Consitutional duty of impeachment. You're all scared to death--or at least a
huge majority of you are. And we the American public also know why. We know
that the Clintons purloined 900 or so files from their tame puppets over at
the FBI and we know that probably all of you--Democrats and Republicans
alike--were most likely the subject of those files, along with your
families, aides, friends, etc. OK? We know this. What? You Democrats think
that Clinton wouldn't turn on one in his own party. Are you naive? He'd do
it in a New York minute if it meant saving his own neck.
So we understand your fear of this ruthless President and his ruthless wife.
We've been watching them in action now for 6 years or so, and we're rather
amazed by the piles of bodies surrounding this President's rise to power and
during his reign in office. We do not think that Vince Foster killed
himself. Sorry--but we just didn't buy that one. Any rookie cop, any reader
of mystery novels, any child over 10 has enough brains to realize that
Foster didn't kill himself any more than Jack Kennedy did. And we're
conscious of the many mysteries of Ron Brown's plane crash. This President
and his Attorney General sent tanks against men, women and children, killing
them all. We are aware that there is more than enough reason for ice to be
flowing through your veins when you regard your solemn oath to impeach this
President for high crimes and misdeamenors.
We also are cognizant that this President will use any Executive branch
agency to intimidate you into silence and non-action. We've watched as any
person who spoke out against this President has been audited by the IRS.
Representative Barr is one. Paula Jones is another. Or they might have been
"investigated" by the FBI for some reason or another. Or been hit with a
lawsuit by the "Justice" department. We're aware of this constant Sword of
Damocles over your heads.
We're aware as well that all of you have been on the take, too. The S&L
fiasco? How many of you made some big bucks from that? No doubt quite a few
of you did, or you would have stopped it in its tracks. What about this
phony War on Drugs? How many of you are invested in that bitter,
hypocritical machinery? How about all the money you get under the table from
lobbies? And we're not talking merely the above-board money--we already know
you all have Swiss bank accounts or secret accounts in the Cayman Islands.
OK? I know you people think we're dumb, and that we believe the silly media,
but frankly, the gig is up.
We also figure that Clinton wasn't the only one getting some slap and tickle
during office hours. We have no doubts that many, many of you have also been
fellated by girls half your age, or boys, for the ladies among you, or the
gents for that matter. We have no confidence whatsoever that you might be
morally upright. Well, maybe a few of you. The random one or two. But out
here in the hinterlands, we're all pretty sure about the late night cocaine
parties, or the casual snort before an important vote in the Cloakroom.
Drugs, sex, bribery--yes, yes, yes. We know--if we don't currently have the
facts, it is only because the serious investigating has yet to occur. But we
have no doubt we would learn a lot of unsavory, illicit, illegal, immoral
acts that you've all been performing for years.
We are aware that you are probably just holding your collective breath
and hoping all the scandals will just go away. You're waiting, hoping that
somehow we'll all just get through the next two years, and this mafia
White House will voluntarily leave power behind. But think, ladies and
gentlemen, how likely is that? The Clintons are in their prime, agressive,
amoral and immoral, and they *love* power--obviously, since they will do
anything--and I mean anything up to and including lying, stealing,
murdering--to keep it. I am nowhere near the beltway, and I can see that all the way out here.
How much better you should be able to see it up close and personal.
Whether the Clintons would attempt such a coup d'etat is unknown,
but we *know* enough about this couple to not put it past them.
We know that if you start impeachment proceedings that the Clintons will
bring out all the dirt they gathered from the 900 FBI files that they had in
their possession for three years or so. You know it too. After all, Clinton
buddy Stephanoupolos has come right out and said, on TV, no less. We know
that we will learn all about your drug-taking and drug-dealing. We know we
will learn all about your stealing, the secret million-dollar illicit bank
accounts, the bribes, the sex during and after hours. We'll learn where all
your enemies' bodies are buried. We're quite aware of this.
So here's the deal.
Impeach this mafiaso president. Get rid of him. Shame him in public, the way
he so richly deserves. Bring him to justice for his many crimes--and I'm not
talking some wimpy thing like obstruction of justice. Go for the throat.
Yes, we know that polls say we think Clinton is the best thing since white
bread, but understand this: we don't believe the polls either. We know
they're rigged to get whatever answer is desired. And we know fully well how
it is done. Have any of you personally checked with your consitutents about
impeachment? Are you aware that believing your own propaganda is stupid?
Impeach him. Give us back our pride in our form of government, and get rid
of this potential tyrant. Have you noticed how he simply bypasses Congress
with his Executive orders? Pardon me for instructing you, but one of the
checks that Congress has on a reckless, power-grabbing executive is
Impeach Clinton. And his wife. She's acted as co-President. Impeach her as one.
In return, we'll take your actions into advisement when he drags out all the
dirt on you. I can absolutely promise you we won't be shocked. Angry and
bothered, maybe, but not shocked. We may not forgive you for all of your
misdeeds, your mis, mal and nonfeasance of office, for your thieving, conniving,lying, corrupt ways, but we WILL remember you as the Congress with the stones to impeach a national embarassment known as the First Couple.
What do you say? Deal?
(c)Patricia Neill 1998