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"Kill Them All Now," which hit my mailbox in early October 1997, drew a remarkable response as it zipped around the Internet. A year earlier, people might have been less quick to pass "KTAN" to their friends, and more quick to surround it with warnings and criticisms. But I think, three years after the failed (nay, betrayed) "Republican Revolution" a lot more people realize we need at least to consider the possibility of the actions "Mustapha Gormsby" writes about. And bless him for putting the message into words that made it safe, and downright funny, for us to hear.
In March 1998, the mystery man behind "Mustapha" revealed himself as Geoffrey Erikson and said, "I want the world to know I wrote that thing!"
Note: "KTAN" also appeared on the SacredBull political satire list under the title, "Take the Ceausescu Challenge."
I am the founder and president of KTAN, a national organization dedicated to reclaiming liberty for all individuals. Detailed here is our platform:
The vermin on Capitol Hill are stealing over half of your income, eroding away your rights and taking our country on a fast track to the Third World. These miserable thrice-damned whoresons will never stop unless we stop them!
It's time to:
Kill Them All Now!
How Can We Kill Them All Now?
How? Any way you like. You could hang them, behead them, roast them over an open fire, strangle them with your bare hands (very satisfying), impale them, sell them to a vivisectionist (profitable), run them over with a large vehicle once or with a small vehicle several times, stab them, shoot them, burn them at the stake, string them up with piano wire, chop them up with an axe (don't use your good chef's knife or you could notch the blade), bury them up to their necks near an anthill and pour honey on them, use them for chum when you go shark fishing or any other method that you can imagine. The more horrible it is, the better you will feel about it.
DON'T WE NEED THEM FOR ANYTHING?
Nope. They don't even make good firewood, so there's really no good use for them at all. Remember, these people have stolen a substantial part of your income for the last 80 years. They have spent even more than they have stolen, leaving the country with a 5 trillion dollar debt! They have stolen property from innocent people and used the law as an instrument of plunder and tyranny. Do we need them? No, but they need us. Without us to bleed, they wouldn't be able to live because they are incapable of producing anything for themselves. The miserable bastards don't even deserve to live!
Scum! Vicious, conniving, baby-eating vermin! They must die, die, DIE! Kill Them All Now!
WHAT WOULD WE DO WITHOUT THEM?
Live like free men instead of slaves, that's what. When this country was founded people knew about things like natural rights. Now these festering, swilling pigs at the public trough have decided that the people of this country have too much freedom and that it is up to them to curtail it! BASTARDS!!!!! Who do they think they are? Eighty years ago the budget was small enough to be paid for on what the government collects today even if you got rid of all personal income taxes! But these horrific sons-of-bitches just keep taking and taking as if there was no limit to what we could tolerate.
IS THERE ANY PRECEDENT FOR KILLING THEM ALL NOW?
Yes! All over the world and throughout history, people who have suffered at the hands of corrupt politicians have eventually said enough is enough. The French Revolution was a fine example of what to do with politicians out of control. The people of Romania, having suffered under the communist dictatorship of Nicolae Ceausescu for too many years, finally dragged him out into the street and shot him through the head.
TAKE THE CEAUSESCU CHALLENGE!
Are you tired of being told how to live? Of being told what you can and cannot eat, smoke, drink or have sex with? Are you tired of the government taking away your money and spending it on more government? Are you sick and tired of the fact that every time you turn around another thing you enjoy has been outlawed?
There's only one solution:
Kill Them All Now!
Hurry, before the United States starts looking like Nazi Germany or the Soviet Union. March on your state capitol with pitchforks and torches. Lock the bastards in and burn the place down. Then march on Washington D.C. That is where the real evil is. You cannot vote these people out of office, because the new ones you vote in will begin to look like the old ones within just weeks. They are a slime and they spread like malaria. They are a disease! Voting won't do any good, it's time to KILL!
JUST THE ELECTED OFFICIALS?
No! The number of elected federal officials is limited to congress, the president and the vice president. That's only 537 people. The federal bureaucracy numbers in the millions; between the military, the IRS, BATF, CIA, FBI, EPA, DEA, FDA and all of the other bureaus and departments, you've got millions of people who have power over YOUR LIFE and you never elected them! My god, the POST OFFICE!! Don't let them escape:
Kill Them All Now! Filthy, horrible, miserable, statist, vermin SCUM!!!!!
If you don't kill them all now there's no telling what they might do to you next. They could use your children to feed starving peasants in India. They could sell your wife or husband to the British to pay off part of their debt. They might turn your children into prostitutes for the government to help continue to fund PBS! Do you want your children to become Barney's whores?!
NOTHING IS SACRED TO THESE VERMIN! THEY ARE EVIL!!!!!!
For most of the 20th century, these stinking, loathsome, festering, boil-ridden, poor excuses for life forms have been bleeding the American people dry. And not just at home! The government of the United States has screwed over plenty of people around the world. Not only that, but these shifty-eyed, mindless, drooling, horrible, vicious, evil, demonic, flea-bearing, pestilent, snivelling, whining, toadying, child-molesting power mongers are the world's NUMBER ONE CAUSE OF APOPLEXY!!!!!!!
THEY'LL STEAL YOUR CHILDREN AND SACRIFICE THEM IN BIZARRE SATANIC RITUALS!
They must be stopped. Voting won't stop them, petitioning won't stop them, ballot initiatives won't stop them.
ISN'T KILLING THEM ALL NOW KIND OF DRASTIC?
NO! They signed up for the job. They stole from you, they lied to you, they stole from you some more, they destroyed the town you live in, they caused the increase in crime across the country, Mister Rogers has been brainwashing your children to make blind obedient followers of them!
They are evil and they must be killed!
Don't let another day of their depredations go by unchallenged!
KILL THEM ALL NOW!
Yours etc.
Somewhere USA
Have a nice day.
| This piece originally appeared on the SacredBull political satire list. |
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