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09/01/2004 Archived Entry: "The knifeless Swiss Army knife"

"WE ARE SO DOOMED." wrote Bug as he sent me this item. At first it seems very cool. Wow, a Swiss Army knife with a USB flash memory stick folded into it. The stick is detachable "for travel." You know, like when the TSA might take away your pocketknife and you don't want them to get your e-documents, too.

But the article also mentions a separate "Air Travel" version of this gadget. Air Travel version??? Sure enough, there's now a knifeless Swiss Army knife. Comes with the USB stick, a ballpoint pen, a light -- and no sharp tools. (Read the text; the photo shows the bladed version.)

A knifeless knife? What's next? A Colt 1911 that shoots mini-marshmallows? An "Air Travel" razor blade with a dissolving candy edge? Box cutters made out of cardboard boxes?

Do you really believe you can't be trusted with sharp objects??? Do you really believe the business executive sitting next to you on the plane can't be trusted with sharp objects???

What kind of emasculated, infantilized, limp-dicked, weenied-out 97-pound weaklings have we become? Surrendering our right to self-defense, then going out and paying big bucks to gadgetize and accessorize our helplessness?

And as Bug points out, paying all those bucks for a cool, fancy knifeless knife probably won't do Mr. Peremptory Surrender any good anyhow. The goon or goonette at the checkpoint is just going to say, "It LOOKS like a knife, and therefore we can't allow it on the airplane!"

No, actually they won't say "therefore" because they don't know words that big.

Posted by Claire @ 07:27 AM CST

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