Archived Weblog Entry - 06/17/2006: "Reefer Madness for Guns"

I rented this alleged "action-packed drama" this weekend, and found it the most unintentionally hysterical film I've seen in a while -- the Reefer Madness of gun movies. If Michael Moore and Diane Feinstein had a child who went to film school, this would be his senior project.

With hand-wringing intensity, the film follows the adventures of 23-year old Dillon. Brainwashed from a childhood filled with toy guns and violent movies, this otherwise-nice kid is obsessed with (gasp!) firearms. When he's hired on at Bill's Gun Shop, he is predictably pulled into the dark, chaotic world of the ~~reefer den~~ gun culture.

Bill, the sleazy, wife-beating boss who is a ruthless bounty hunter on the side
The racist, Hitler-loving neo-Nazi coworker who attends meetings where Gadsen, American, Confederate and Nazi flags are prominently -- and equally -- displayed
The boss' slutty wife who seduces Dillon in a painful parody of The Graduate
The Walter Mitty customer who visits daily asking to see "the gun Samuel Jackson used in Lethal Weapon" or "the gun James Bond uses", but never has the guts to buy one
The smart, sweet, sensible girlfriend who is appalled at her beloved's slide into degradation caused by his obsession with ~~reefer~~ firearms
The colleague with a dark past and heart of gold; he's in too deep, but encourages Dillon to "get out while you can"

The situations in which the characters find themselves are equally absurd (e.g. after waiting months, Dillon receives word of his being hired at the gun store with the same awe-struck excitement with which you or I might receive notice of a Nobel Prize nomination).

Again, I need to reiterate that this movie is intended to be serious, but its fanatical, shriekingly-obvious anti-gun stance merely makes it ludicrous instead. If you're a fan of Mystery Science Theatre 3000, you'll appreciate just how appallingly bad Bill's Gun Shop is.

Amateur Night at MST3K - (note: you need to be familiar with Reefer Madness: The Movie Musical for this to work). Try to insert song lyrics and lines of dialog from RM:TMM into Bill's Gun Shop. It's surprisingly easy. For example, when the neo-Nazi starts talking about blacks, try to work in the phrase, "weed-blowing, ginger-colored lot." When Bill offers Dillon his first pistol (with ominous music playing in the background), you can start singing, "Take a toke of t-stick, take a toke of t-stick..."

A pro-gunner (aka "bad guy") makes a racist comment
The heart-of-gold colleague mentions his Native American background
The neo-Nazi mentions his group
Someone points out how bad guns are
Someone begs Dillon to quit the gun store
Someone gets shot
Dillon fondles his gun nervously
Bill smacks his wife around
Dillon gets "dissed" or insulted by someone

Bonus: Three drinks when a death occurs as a result of a firearm sold in Bill's shop