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12/06/2005 Archived Entry: "Politically correct Christmas song"

I SUPPOSE WE'VE ALL HEARD ABOUT JERRY FALWELLS' CAMPAIGN to "put the Christmas back into Christmas."

As absurd and offensive as the let's-not-offend-anybody holiday nonsense has become, Falwell somehow manages to make a return to tradition even sillier. Note that he doesn't want to put the Christ back into Christmas as Christians used to wish. No, he wants to put the Christmas back into "holiday trees" and put the Christmas back into "holiday shopping."

Has this man joined Pat Robertson in the "I never think before I open my big yap" club?

Christmas trees are a modern adaptation of a pagan Yule symbol. Nothing to do with Christ or Christianity.

Christmas sales are a pure commercial exercise, having absolutely zip, zero, nothing to do with any religion. (And, let's not forget, in this case "holiday sales" is actually a more accurate description, since Jewish families also buy Hannukah gifts.)

So, Jerry, let me see if I get this: You're trying to put the paganism and the commercialism back into Christmas? Is that right?

Jesus would be so moved.

Well, in honor of silliness that knows no bounds on either side of the Christmas ... er, holiday ... er, December Completely Value-Neutral and Intelligence-Free Calendar Events divide, I present a song for the season by friend of freedom Coya Coleman.

Sing this to the tune of "Let it Snow."

Oh, the Liberals don't like "Christmas,"
And the Right is being listless.
As the kids now learn in school,
Happy Christmahannakwaanzakayule!

"Season's Greetings" now sounds so hokey,
"Happy Holidays" is jokey.
So we use this PC tool,
Happy Christmahannakwaanzakayule!

When we finally get it right,
No one's faith will be out in the cold.
So we all have to see the light.
Saying just what we are told.

Oh, you'd better not wish "Merry Christmas,"
Or you'll be on someone's shitlist.
Just show your PC cool,
Happy Christmahannakwaanzakayule!

Have yourself a generic little holday and may all your Christmahannakwaanzakayules be every possible color without any discrimination.

However, if Jerry Falwell catches you and your coven skyclad around a Yule log, you can tell him you're wearing your Christmas suit and burning your Christmas log. It'll make him feel a whole lot better. And you might even avoid being the main attraction at the next witch burning.

(Thank you to Kirsten for inspiring the rant and of course Coya for writing, in a few minutes in the shower, a song I'd have labored over for a week.)

Posted by Claire @ 07:51 AM CST

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