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11/09/2004 Archived Entry: "The Evil One is gone!"

ASHCROFT RESIGNS. Declares victory over crime and terrorism. Quote: "The objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror has been achieved."

Yippee! I guess that means they can disband the Justice Department and the Department of Homeland Security now. And who'll need the Secret Service anymore? Bush can just walk around like a normal person. And does this mean ... no ninja raids at midnight for us ordinary folk from now on? Yeehaw!

Wow, now I feel so bad about dissing the Busheviks -- and for laughing at John Ashcroft for anointing himself with Crisco. Thank you, Mr. Ashcroft! Or should I say, thank you, O Holy Messiah? For could anyone else have achieved the total elimination of crime and terrorism for the first time in human history?

Now, I'm off to try that Crisco thing, since it seems to work so well ...

Posted by Claire @ 06:00 PM CST

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