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05/26/2004 Archived Entry: "Pet peeve: sport stadium names"

PET PEEVE TIME: SPORT STADIUM NAMES. I just heard another report about some corporate sponsor buying the "naming rights" to a sports stadium or a famous sporting event. I don't recall whether it was the Poli-Grip Denture Adhesive Hockey Arena or SafeCo Insurance NASCAR Classic. Or whatever. But this selling of names to the highest bidder is silly.

I mean, it was fine when the Wrigley people built themselves a ballpark way back when and named it Wrigley Field. But if you're going to name a stadium after the people who put up the most money, then every darned one of them ought to be called Taxpayer Field, The Working Drone's Dome, The People's Downs, Anybody's Arena, or Turn-Your-Pockets-Out Track. Because you know who really foots the bill. Fair's fair, if he who pays gets the name.

Okay, okay. I know I'm not going to win this battle while soft-drink makers and bankers are dishing out $150 million at a pop to get their name over the door. But if you can't beat 'em, join 'em, right? Instead of letting corporations or rich folks buy their way only onto sports stadiums and sporting events, let's take this trend to its logical conclusion.

Herewith are my first, top-of-the-head suggestions for selling naming rights to federal government buildings:

• The National Federation of the Blind FBI Fingerprint Analysis Lab
  
• Mack Sennett Homeland Security Office
  
• The Dr. Jack Kevorkian Department of Health and Human Services Center
  
• The InsurePro Errors and Omissions Coverage BATFE Building
  
• Charmin Federal Reserve Bank
  
• Eastman Kodak Abu Ghraib Prison
  
• The Halliburton Pentagon
  
• Charles A. Ponzi Social Security Administration Building ... and of course
  
• Preparation H IRS Headquarters
  

I'm sure you can think of many more. I couldn't for the life of me think who should get their name on CIA headquarters or the White House. But I'll bet one of you wits will.

Posted by Claire @ 08:11 PM CST
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