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11/27/2003 Archived Entry: ""Obesity" = "Terrorism""
YOUR MOM'S A TERRORIST! It had to happen. "Obesity" is no longer just an "epidemic." Oh, no! Describing every problem as an epidemic is so day-before-yesterday. No. "Obesity" is now ... [drumroll] ... terrorism.
Yep, the U.S. Surgeon General, Richard Carmona, compares the big O to the big T, calling fat "the terror within" and "every bit as devastating as terrorism." I turned off this morning's NPR interview right there. But I've heard enough. This afternoon, when your mom ladles that second glop of turkey gravy on your mashed potatoes ... when she urges, "Eat, eat! It's good for you!" ... and especially when she puts that second helping of pumpkin pie with whipped cream on your plate ...
Time to call Tom Ridge.
Bring back the TIPS program today. Get that woman "detained." Make sure she never has a lawyer or a moment of freedom again for the rest of her evil existence. Then reflect on the horror of it all -- terrorists not only in our cities and our airports, but right at our own dining room tables. Terrorist moles who've spent their entire lifetimes getting close to us ... just so they could inflict upon us such weapons of mass destruction as candied yams and glazed hams. Shudder. You probably never imagined even Osama bin Laden was capable of such hate, such lifelong treachery and deviousness. My god, why hasn't the government done something about this decades ago? Thank heaven they're finally protecting us from such insideous infiltration.
(Disgruntled though I was that NPR would air such pernicious nonsense on Thanksgiving, I must admit I was extremely impressed to hear such a highly educated man (Carmona has more medical and military letters after his name than there are in the alphabet) deliberately misuse three words -- obesity, epidemic, and terrorism -- in a bare sentence or two. Goebbels was a piker compared with that.)
Posted by Claire @ 11:30 AM CST