Memorial to the Cold War
I wrote this from an idea by my acquaintance, Todd
Howe. The day after it appeared on the SacredBull political
satire list, I received notes from two retired Cold
War-era U.S. military officers. One damned the piece
as an insult to all servicemen of the Cold War years.
Another thanked me for expressing everything he'd been
trying to say for years. That's how satire works, I
guess...
It was America's longest war, and most expensive. It
was also the greatest victory America ever won. Our heroic
efforts not only vanquished the foe, but discredited his
oppressive political system everywhere around the globe.
We're speaking of the Cold War. Yes, that terrible, but
ultimately glorious, war against Global Communism.
Yet shockingly, in Washington, DC, that city of memorials,
there is no shrine to mark this, our greatest of all victories.
There is no statue, no wall, no column, no obelisk, no
fountain...not even a small brass plaque to mark the most
thorough defeat of evil in the history of our nation.
Ladies and gentlemen, we urge you to help the SacredBull
Society for Social Justice remedy that shameful lack.
This nation *needs* a memorial to Our Great Victory Over
Tyranny. And we are asking you to write to your congressperson
today to see that we get one.
Congress has only to authorize funds to build the memorial.
The SacredBull Society for Social Justice (SSSJ) has already,
at its own expense, hired an architect and designed the
monument. With your help, Mr., Mrs. and Ms. America, we
can dedicate this Great Work by April 15, 2000!
Here's our exciting vision:
The monument will consist of a colossal, granite hand,
150 feet high, with one finger raised to the heavens.
Upon its wrist will be inscribed these simple words:
We Celebrate the Triumph of Freedom Over Tyranny
This is the evil America defeated in the Cold
War, 1945 to 1989
The Ten Planks of the Communist Manifesto
- Abolition of property in land and the application
of all rents of land to public purposes.
- A heavy progressive or graduated income tax.
- Abolition of all rights of inheritance.
- Confiscation of the property of all emigrants
and rebels.
- Centralization of credit in the hands of the
state, by means of a national bank with State
capital and an exclusive monopoly.
- Centralization of the means of communications
and transportation in the hands of the State.
- Extension of factories and instruments of
production owned by the state, the bringing
into cultivation of waste lands, and the improvement
of the soil generally in accordance with a common
plan.
- Equal liability of all to labor. Establishment
of industrial armies, especially for agriculture.
- Combination of agriculture with manufacturing
industries, gradual abolition of the distinction
between town and country, by a more equitable
distribution of population over the country.
- Free education for all children in public
schools. Combination of education with industrial
production.
Freedom Forever
|
Isn't that inspiring, ladies and gentlemen -- to see
in bold letters the evil our goodness and love of freedom
enabled us to defeat? But that's not all. SSSJ has already
begun planning a gala dedication ceremony. It will one
of the most impressive events Washington has ever seen.
Picture it, my friends! On that sunny April day in 2000,
an army of children from America's inner-city public schools
will march down the Mall, carrying their hand-lettered
banners. Behind them will march thousands of America's
finest.
The federal government will be represented by agents
of the IRS, FBI, DEA, ATF, the Federal Communications
Commission, Federal Trade Commission, Department of Transportation,
EPA, HUD, FEMA, OSHA, the FHA, Department of Agriculture,
Department of Education, Labor Department, the Bureau
of Land Management and many other fine organizations that
help maintain the American Way of Life.
Private enterprise will be represented by the presidents
of America's major corporations. Those whose companies
receive the largest federal benefits will march hand-in-hand
with those whose companies have made the largest contributions
to the reigning party.
The fine, salt-of-the-earth people of America's towns
will be represented by members of their local zoning and
planning authorities, as well as their beloved property
tax assessors.
Agriculture will be represented by an army of farmers
driving tractors. (They will be paid not to grow crops
that spring, in order that they may attend the festivities.
Those who have lost their family farms to inheritance
taxes will be allowed into the parade by special permit.)
The chairman of the Federal Reserve Board will cut a
giant red ribbon leading into the monument area, where
the President of the United States will give a stirring
speech about the virtues of freedom.
Though large, the ceremony's cost will be held to a minimum.
Paid volunteers from Americorps will join U.S. Army troops
in providing event security. Post-celebration site cleanup
will be provided by public high school students performing
the compulsory volunteer duties required by their schools.
We are also urging Congress to make funds available from
the billions of dollars in assets seized each year in
civil forfeiture actions to help pay for this celebration
of freedom and justice.
It's a truly exciting vision, ladies and gentlemen. And
this stunning monument to freedom can be built for a mere
$500,000,000 dollars. That's nothing! Just a fraction
of what goes each year into farm subsidies, public education
or support to corporate America.
So help give this country a monument to celebrate its
greatest achievement -- a monument you, and millions of
future Americans, can be proud of - a monument to which
you can point and tell your grandchildren, "This, my dear
little child, is what your government did to you."
©1997 Claire Wolfe and Todd Howe. This
article may be reprinted for non-commercial purposes,
as long as it is reprinted in full with no content changes
whatsoever, and is accompanied by this credit line. The
article may not be re-titled, edited or excerpted (beyond
the limits of the fair use doctrine) without the written
permission of the authors. For-profit publications will
be expected to pay a nominal reprint fee.
