EFFector Vol. 20, No. 11a April 1, 2007 editor@eff.org A Publication of the Electronic Frontier Foundation ISSN 1062-9424 In the 666th Issue of EFFector:
  • Hollywood Stars Present World's Brightest Shiniest Object to Key Senate Committee
  • RIAA to Parents: Pay When They're Toddlers and Save the Bother Later
  • American Travelers' "Risk Assessment" Score to Be Based on Google PageRank
  • NSA to Open Virtual "Black Box" Office in Second Life
  • GoDaddy Admits Error: We Accidentally Protected One of Our Customers
  • miniLinks (5): YouTube Sues Viacom for Profiting Off Jokes at Its Expense
  • Administrivia and EULA
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effector: n, Computer Sci. A device for producing a desired 

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* Hollywood Stars Present World's Brightest Shiniest Object to 
Key Senate Committee

Washington, D.C. - Dozens of Hollywood celebrities and the 
movie industry's finest pyrotechnicians gave their all in an 
amazing pageant of music, dance and extremely bright hypnotic 
light in an exclusive presentation to the Senate Judiciary 
Subcommittee on the Internet and Intellectual Property last 

The event, titled "Oh So Big And Shiny: Things More 
Interesting Than Those Dweebs on Their Dumb Bleeping 
Machines," was part of the subcommittee's scheduled hearing on 
threats to security research in online commerce by 
misapplications of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act 

"We saw Senator Sununu's eyes wander to the written testimony 
of some imprisoned cryptographer during the 'Our Reliving the 
Explosions of the Die Hard Movie' sequence, but I think we got 
him back," said the MPAA's Seth Oster, who organized the 
display.  The show was introduced by an eight-foot animatronic 
version of MPAA President Dan Glickman, whose robot head 
emitted a powerful strobe into the committee members' eyes 
during the duration of the show. 

Due to encores and an extensive post-extravaganza cleanup 
operation, two members of the consumer electronics industry, a 
man whose family was allegedly kidnapped by DMCA-wielding 
ninjas, and Gigi Sohn of Public Knowledge were unable to make 
their scheduled appearances.

For this release:

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* RIAA to Parents: Pay When They're Toddlers and Save the 
Bother Later

The RIAA today sent a "settlement letter" to all parents of 
children under 3 years old offering a toddler settlement rate 
for online copyright infringement if they simply send payment 
to major record labels before their children learn to read.

"Our goal is to make this easier for parents," said RIAA 
President Cary Sherman. "Everyone knows that in this era of 
increasing hard drive capacity and new digital media 
technologies, it is inevitable that every child in America 
will infringe copyright sooner or later. With our 'toddler 
settlement' rate, parents can avoid those pesky lawsuits. 
Consider it a way to invest your child's future."

The toddler settlement requires parents to log everything 
their child ever does online and to make those logs available 
to the RIAA at regular intervals. "It can just become a part 
of every birthday celebration," added RIAA's counsel at Holme, 
Roberts and Owen. "Blow out the candles and send your Internet 
logs to Uncle RIAA!"

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* American Travelers' "Risk Assessment" Score to Be Based on 
Google PageRank

According to a joint announcement by the Department of 
Homeland Security and search engine giant Google, Inc., today, 
all citizens of the United States traveling across borders 
will be given a risk rating, to be based on the overall 
position of their homepage when Transportation Security 
Administration (TSA) representatives type the name into the 
popular search engine.  

"Until now, we've been using an unduly complex metric to 
deduce which innocent citizen will suddenly become 
'interesting' to our agents during routine inspections," said 
a TSA spokesperson. "Finally we thought, why not just find out 
who everyone else thinks is 'interesting' instead?" 

"You know, like, crowdsource it?" added a Google spokesperson 
from a nearby office hammock.

The RankInSecurity rating will take values generated by 
Google's patent algorithm and TSA's own unique data mining 
methods to determine whether the traveler will pass through 
security checkpoints unhindered, be obliged to "volunteer" for 
further screening, or simply sent back home until their online 
popularity improves.

When asked about the risks of scores being distorted by so-
called "Googlebombing," the TSA spokesman visibly blanched, 
screamed for backup, and threw the questioner onto the floor. 
Further calls to the TSA were not answered by press time.

For this post:

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* NSA to Open Virtual "Black Box" Office in Second Life

The National Security Agency announced today plans to open a 
virtual "office" in the popular online game Second Life.  The 
office will consist of a large black box located in an 
undisclosed location. "We've already eavesdropped on most 
Americans' first lives," said NSA spokesperson Narc Informer. 
"Now we have a whole new world to listen in on." The 
government also plans to build a virtual secret courtroom to 
issue virtual carte blanche wiretapping orders and will 
eventually add a virtual offshore interrogation island for 
enemy combatant avatars to be held without trial.

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* GoDaddy Admits Error: We Accidentally Protected One of Our 

The general counsel of Internet domain registrar GoDaddy 
publicly apologized today for giving sufficient notice to one 
of its customers before revealing her identity to a third 

"I don't know how it happened," said Christine Jones. "We 
somehow managed to inform a customer a month in advance about 
a subpoena seeking her identity, including sending her a copy 
of it. The customer actually had time to find counsel and 
protect her identity."

This falls on the heels of a previous event when GoDaddy 
refused to take down its customers' domain in response to a 
request written in crayon on a scrap of paper. "We would have 
pulled the whole website down with two minutes notice as 
usual," added Ms. Jones. "But it was written in yellow crayon 
and you know how hard that is to read."

For this post:

For more on GoDaddy's disregard for users' rights:

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* miniLinks
miniLinks features noteworthy news items from around the 

~ YouTube Sues Viacom for Profiting Off Jokes at Its Expense
Daily Show, Colbert Report "systematically and intentionally 
built a business model on the backs of YouTube and its user 
community, making fun at our expense without just 

~ Court Smells a Copyright Violation
Plush "Fartman" doll infringes on "Pull My Finger Fred" 

~ Dungeon Masters, Guild Members to Testify on Chaotic 
Neutrality in Congress Next Week
Twenty-sided dice to decide legislation's fate.

~ FBI to Stop Using National Security Letters in Favor of BLTs 
Instead of intimidating phone companies, Internet service 
providers and librarians into revealing personal information 
with these secret letters, the FBI will now entice disclosure 
by offering a scrumptious sandwich.

~ NSA, FBI Debut Search Engine to Compete with Google
"We had so much of this data just layin' around, we figured 
'why not monetize it?'" says agency 

~ Steve Jobs Announces new iPatch Product for Music Lovers
Apple revolutionizes the way people can sail the open sea.

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* Administrivia and EULA

EFFector is published by:

The Electronic Frontier Foundation
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Derek Slater, Zookeeper

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