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Bob Blasts Joe Lieberman!

EREWHON (AP) —In a wide-ranging interview, Bob the Sex Candidate took a healthy swipe at Joseph Lieberman, the Democratic vice presidential candidate.

"Joe Lieberman is the anti-erection candidate. His 'morality' campaign is little more than a government anti-sex program. It's also anti-American. Our first president, George Washington, was the father of his country. He wasn't anti-sex! In fact, we have a giant phallic monument on the DC mall to honor his well-known prowess."

"Lieberman is nothing more than a wizened old man who can't get it up anymore," Bob continued. "No wonder he goes on frothing about 'sex and violence'. He wants to administer violence to those who still enjoy sex."

When asked by reporters, a spokesman for the Lieberman campaign said, "We won't dignify Bob's comments with a response. Besides, we hear Bob is uncircumcized."

Another Bob, Bob Dole, the Republican presidential candidate in 1996, volunteered, "Let it never be said that Bob Dole never helped a fellow politician in need. Joe Lieberman can come to Bob Dole, and I'll fix him up with some viagra. Hell, I have crates of the stuff just lying around."

Meanwhile, Bob, the Sex Candidate, announced his choice for vice presidential running mate, Courtney, the Female Chameleon. Courtney is famous for her ability to transform herself into different women on a daily basis. "Courtney has the versatility and stamina to keep pace with all the ins and outs of a serious political campaign," Bob said, "as well as spread wide appeal to both men and women voters."

Bob went on to point out Courtney's governing record. "For a number of years she has been High Priestess of the Cult of the Phoenix, a sex society stemming from the Middle Ages."

To the amazement of reporters and several hundred thousand supporters gathered just outside Bob's campaign headquarters, Courtney promptly stripped and showed the secret tattoo carried on the right buttock of all Sect members.

The Sect of the Phoenix was the subject of a book, The God of the Labrynth, by English novelist Colin Wilson. Reportedly the eighteenth century rake, Esmond Donelly, was a member of the sect.

Courtney declined the formality of an acceptance speech. She simply posed for photographs, and smiled and waved at adoring voters.

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