My story

Dear World,
It is now time to tell my story (or beg for forgiveness, I'm not sure which should come first).

About three months months ago, I was arrested .

I was part of an informant's work for the police, most likely as a way to escape jail time.  This informant was a very good friend of mine.  He brought an undercover officer into my home to purchase LSD, MDMA, and various psychedelics.

I was a small scale drug dealer.  I acquired drugs over the internet (Silk Road Marketplace) and sold them to my friends.  My rule was that I would only sell drugs that were safer to use than alcohol and cigarettes -- using my own discretion, I stuck to psychedelics, MDMA and marijuana.  Soon enough, a friend told me that I could sell him large quantities of drugs and he would deal with selling them off.  I agreed after he pressured me and I purchased large amounts on the internet and he would do all of the work.

We began a pretty profitable partnership.  Eventually, he had me meet one of his "friends," who he brought to my house.  I trusted my friend and his judgement -- also he told me he knew his "friend" for years and years.  I made a few transactions to this undercover cop -- instead of arresting me after one or two, they waited until I had seven (yes, seven) felonies under my name by "milking me," pretty much.

The day of my arrest, I purchased 100 tabs of LSD from a friend for the undercover officer.  He arrived at my house and told me to come outside.  I came out and a bunch of men approached me with a badge and told me to remain calm.  I was completely silent and calm as I was forced to let them into my home (they had a warrant).

They ripped apart my home, telling me they could have been worse, and found all of my drugs.  They also took every bit of money they could find -- from my purse, my safe, my investment of silver coins (which were not even near the cash money).  In total, they took over $8,000 -- as well as the silver and my laptop computer.  Much of that money was earned through my job, gigs, tips, and so on.  And it was gone.

I went into the station and they processed me like an animal in a meat factory.  They fingerprinted me, took my picture, asked me questions and then chained me to a bench.  I had to go to the bathroom with a female officer who threatened me with violence although I was peaceful, watched me use the toilet and then made me lift up my shirt afterwards (which made no sense).

After hours of being at the station, I was questioned a bit and gave the police the impression that I would help them do informant work to get myself out of this mess.  They bought me Dunkin Donuts and told me that everything would be fine as long as I "didn't run."  The undercover cop was hardly able to look me in the eyes, showing that he had some humanity left in him.

Eventually, I was "arraigned" on a computer screen by a judge who seemed shocked that the officers didn't want me thrown in jail.  They asked that I be released on ROR bail (released on own recognition).  I was driven home by 9PM (I had been in the police station for about 6 hours).  The officer who drove me home did not put his seat belt on, sped, and had packs of Newport cigarettes all over his car, and I couldn't help but think of the irony.  My peaceful actions had landed me with a gun against my head as this man risks the lives of others and legitimacy is killing himself.

For the past few months, I have been trying to save myself.  I am an honors student in my senior year in college, I have several awards under my belt, I work at least 10 jobs, I am a leader in many organizations, and so on.  Basically, besides this arrest, I am quite an honorable individual.  Getting thrown in jail to rot is not the cards for my future.

I looked for a lawyer who might be able to help me through LEAP. I met with one in my city and, in a lawyer-like fashion, I was shown little sympathy or care.  Since I was scared and desperate, I chose this man, even though he didn't even consider giving me a discount for being young, a student, and a supporter of LEAP.  And it turns out that the lawyer gave my case to his colleague, so the whole LEAP connection was meaningless.

The officers who arrested me have been trying to "help me" through the use of informant work.  However, they never pick up the phone when I call, causing me to miss many chances.  They also tell me they are available constantly, but then they are never there when I need them.  They are pulling me on a string and they've got me; there is nothing I can do.  Back talking them or telling them how wrong they are won't help my case.  They can do what they want to me since they have the power of my life in their hands.  Instead of me staying away from drug dealers and "rehabilitating" myself, I must emerge myself into this lifestyle even more than I did when I sold drugs on my own.

And regarding the informant work, yes, I am totally upset about this.  Saving myself requires putting someone else into the Hell that I am experiencing right now.  And I am not even guaranteed my freedom.  It is totally sick and unfair, but there is no other way to save myself.  I am trapped.

So, what can I do?  I am scared.  I do not want to go to jail.  I do not think it would be beneficial to anyone.  It is not going to change the way that I think and it is not going to help society.

I hope there is a way to save me.  I am a friend, a daughter, a sister, a wife.  Should I take my own life or wait for them to do it for me?  Should I leave this backwards country and take refuge somewhere else?  These options are terrible.  I want to fight, but according to the law, I will lose.  I must do this informant work and put fellow innocent people committing victimless crimes in jail.  It is against my principles, but it must be done, and this is why this whole ordeal feels like cancer inside of me.

This is real.  This is what is happening in this country.  The drug war must be stopped.

If you would like more information about my story, I would love to provide it for you.  I wish to remain anonymous for the time being, but a face and name would be great publicity for this horrible scandal happening to Americans everywhere.  I want to be the example that this is not working, plain and simple.

Please reach me at thedrugwarismylife@gmail.com.

Thank you.  And really, I need all the help that I can get.  Anything helps.