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The Great Loompanics Unlimited Going Out of Business Sale

Submitted by Bill St. Clair on Sun, 2006-01-15 19:03.

Mike Hoy at Loompanics Unlimited
http://www.loompanics.com/...

Cartoon artwork by Bob Crabb. Transcribed below. Happy trails, Mike! [clairefiles]

Quote:

Announcing the Great
Loompanics Unlimited
Going Out of Business Sale

As our drama opens Loompanics President Mike Hoy is having a conversation with Miss Demeanor, the office cat...

"I hoped this day would never come, Missy, but we are going to have to close down Loompanics!!"

"Meow?"

"Well, sales have been steadily falling for several years, and we just can't keep the place going any longer!"

"Meow."

"Besides, I'm actually in my sixties now, and it's time for me to try my hand at something else!"

"Meow."

"While it's a sad day for us here, it means GOOD NEWS for our customers!! .. In order to clear out our inventory, we are offering everything we have for 50% off!!"

"This short sampler contains all the titles that we have added since our 2005 Main Catalog came out! For complete list of everything we have for sale, check out our website at www.loompanics.com, or you can still get a 2005 Main Catalog from us for $5.00!"

"Meow???"

"Oh, you and me are still going to be together, Miss Demeanor, irregardless!"

"Meow."

"I recommend our readers use this opportunity to try something new..."

"... Try some drug books, some alternative housing books, conspiracy books, sex books--see where something new will lead you!"

"Owning Loompanics has been the biggest thrill of my life--for 30 years I got to live my dream (and stick it to the man!). I want to thank everyone who made it possible! Our customers, authors, artists, reviewers, interviewers, vendors, and most of all, the super efficient Loompanics staff...

...And everyone who made it necessary! All the censors, prudes, prigs and pigs in the world, especially in the U.S.A..."

"Well, Miss Demeanor, it's time for you and me to waddle of into the sunset!"

"Meow."

[Click of key in lock]

[They walk off into the sunset, Mr. Hoy tipping his hat]

THANK YOU ONE AND ALL, FOR THIRTY FANTASTIC YEARS!


( categories: Politics | Humor | Strange )

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